Alexandra Clark - Alexandra Clark has always been interested in alternative health and healing. She transferred from a career as a translator of Spanish and ...
Family - morguefile
One in two marriages ends in divorce. Yet it is not only a divorce that will create an absence in the family for children. There are also situations in which families live far from the family of origin whether due to geographic factors, estrangement or death. Children will often feel the void. Here are some suggestions to consider.
Be sensitive to how children compare themselves to others
Any child, either of a single parent family or otherwise, may feel different from his peers if there is no extended family nearby and there is no contact with aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. Be aware that your child may be comparing himself to others and feeling alone. Here are some tips to consider to help heal the void.
Create a solid social support
Try to socialize with other families who find themselves in the same predicament. Whether you are a single parent or have a partner, your children will enjoy socializing with other kids within a family setting. It doesn’t make up for the lack of cousins, but if you become close, it can approximate it. You might want to spend special holidays together too.
Keep family lore alive
Your kids may be very far from their grandparents or aunts and uncles, but they should hear about them frequently. Whether or not your family is actually in touch with the children at this time, they are family and the kids should be told details of your ties to them in the past. They will feel part of an extended family if they are allowed to hear stories and see photos and even video if you have it too.
Consider becoming a foster parent
If your family structure allows it, you might consider welcoming a foster child into your home. Your children will be taught the importance of supporting others without family during difficult times. They may be able to form rewarding ties to the foster child which may be continued into adulthood. It can be an invaluable lesson to children not to mention a real gift to the foster child. There are many excellent reasons to foster a child
Don’t hold onto family grudges
Allow your children the opportunity to go forward into adulthood with the possibility that they might form ties with the family members that have been absent to you. Each generation has to forge new ties to each other that are all their own. Give them the opportunity to do this in future by keeping the doors of communication and tolerance wide open.
While many people nowadays find themselves isolated from their family of origin, there are ways to allow the children to feel that they are part of an extended family. Put some thought into your attitudes around the children, and keep family history alive. Your children will not feel so isolated.
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Jo Harrington - Jo has a BA (Hons) in History and Philosophy and a MA in History. She has a book published on the history of Wicca.
Image: Online Gaming - Jo Harrington
Parents sometimes unwittingly send unintended messages to their upset, gaming kids; while also missing fantastic opportunities to enhance their teenager's education. As an adult gamer, seeing both sides of the story, I've witnessed first-hand the problems that can emerge between parents and teens.
Life skills and academic learning that would be encouraged in a school setting, might be overlooked by parents, unaware of a game's mechanics. Worse still, it can be heartbreaking to realise that parents might not have grasped their child's excitement and are risking alienating them. These issues become even more acute in the advent of special gaming events. But parents can actually use these events to create a satisfying time of connection with their teenage gamers, if they know how.
What Are Special Gaming Events?
Anything that is out of the ordinary can be deemed a special gaming event. It can be anything from social online gatherings to claiming a certain item. For the game's makers, it's undoubtedly promotional in nature. A narrow time frame, during which a player must log into the game, is often a distinguishing feature. For the purposes of this article, we will focus on the Bonus XP Weekend, as it serves as great example of them all.
In my favourite game, this event will run for one weekend only next month. Any player logging in will gain extra experience in all of the tasks that (s)he completes. Experience (known as XP) leads to higher game levels, bringing benefits in unlocked skills, items and/or peer related prestige. The bonuses achieved can be up to three times as much as a player could expect, while doing the same task, outside of the special event. Naturally, every gamer wants to grasp this advantage. Not playing might place you permanently beneath your fellow players.
An analogy might be a local megastore offering three for one deals, on all purchases, for just three days. My first reaction would be, 'Yes! Three washing powders for the price of one!' Then the possibilities begin to sink in. I could do my weekly food shop and it would be the equivalent of three weeks' shopping. I could buy one iPod, then have two free, to squirrel away as Christmas presents. I could buy a bed, then use the offer to replace the beds in each of the children's rooms. The bargains are too good to miss, but before I even visit the store, I need to work out what is feasible. What can I afford? What can I transport? What can I store without spoiling?
Using Gaming Events to Teach and Share Quality Time with your Teenager
Many of the same questions of time management and accountancy are equally applicable to the bonus XP weekend. Here is where, I believe, many parents are missing great opportunities to engage their teenagers in life skill learning. As the bonuses are given on a sliding scale, some reasonably complicated mathematics have to come into play, in order for maximum efficiency and greater player benefits. Raw materials, within the game's market economy, begin to rise in price. Therefore forward planning becomes key.
It is a period during which teenagers are frantic in their enthusiasm to learn. I have watched an individual, studying mathematics at University, command an audience of adolescents in the game's chat channel. He was describing market economies and providing formulas to determine what bonus applies during which hour. I've witnessed a fifteen year old code a program to automatically calculate these variables. I've seen, and participated in, forum posts and blogs detailing what is and isn't feasible in the time frame provided.
Parents could be doing all of this. Only the context may appear unfamiliar, but the underlying calculations and advice are just those inherent in running a household. It's simply a case of being aware, if your teenager mentions a special gaming event, to ask about it. Then see where you might grasp the opportunity to teach using your own expertise. It's only what they're asking of the adult gamers in the chat channels instead.
How Teenage Gamers Suddenly Want to Learn!
The last Bonus XP Weekend, in my game, was in March 2011. Then, as now, I watched the preparations. One teenager, in particular, was quite earnest in this, after having not prepared the time before. I watched as he grappled with the mathematics and felt proud when he started to truly understand the mechanics.
He worked hard. He informed us that he was doing his homework as soon as he got home, so that he could have more time in play to gather raw materials. He questioned everyone for tidbits of advice, then refined his strategies accordingly. From a friend, who works the real life stock exchange, he grasped the fundamentals of market forces and speculation.
He quickly earned enough game money to plough back into more materials than he had believed possible. The mathematician helped him calculate exactly how much XP he could reasonably achieve. During the course of a fortnight, I watched him grow from an immature gamer into a learned young man.
A Heartbreaking Finale Caused by a Well-meaning Mother
We didn't see him until Monday, after the event was over. He was obviously deeply upset. As he'd returned home from school on Friday, his mother had surprised him with a weekend trip. He tried to tell her about the special gaming event, but she heard the word 'game' and cut him short. "You spend too much time on that computer!" She snapped. "The fresh air will do you good."
As he surveyed his now worthless raw materials and the increased levels of his friends, he told me that he hated her. His carefully thought out calculations were painful to see. I tried to speak for his parents, to explain that they hadn't understood and that communication is the key. He replied that they weren't interested in hearing him. I felt so sorry for both, but perhaps more so for his mother. She didn't know what message she had unwittingly conveyed to her son.